


All The Nights I've Forgotten

by stephable



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - The 100 (TV) Fusion, Clexa, F/F, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Roommate, housemate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-03 08:49:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6604489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stephable/pseuds/stephable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“She can stay with me.” It comes out of her mouth before she even thinks it. Her own eyes widen in shock.<br/>“Woah, really? That would… solve a lot of problems”<br/>“Y-yeah, Yeah. She can stay here. Um, what’s her name?”<br/>“Uh Clarke. Her name’s Clarke.” He pulls the phone away from his face and yells into the room, “Clarke, phone!”</p><p>OR</p><p>AU where Lexa takes Clarke in after she gets kicked out of her apartment.  Despite not knowing her and living in a one bedroom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Runaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “She can stay with me.” It comes out of her mouth before she even thinks it. Her own eyes widen in shock.  
> “Woah, really? That would… solve a lot of problems”  
> “Y-yeah, Yeah. She can stay here. Um, what’s her name?”  
> “Uh Clarke. Her name’s Clarke.” He pulls the phone away from his face and yells into the room, “Clarke, phone!”
> 
> OR
> 
> AU where Lexa takes Clarke in after she gets kicked out of her apartment. Despite not knowing her and living in a one

“Hey Lexa! How are you liking the city?” Lincoln’s cheerful voice came through the phone the second she answered.

“I’ve only been here for 2 days Lincoln and I’ve barely left my apartment. I’ve spent the entire time unpacking.”

She dodges the empty cardboard boxes to sit on her newly assembled couch. Only about 3 boxes were yet to be unpacked now, and she puts her feet up on one of the full boxes for a well-deserved rest.

“Well do you like your apartment?” She could hear the smile in his familiar voice.

“It’s small but has everything I need,” she pauses before adding, softly “The view is beautiful.”

It’s quiet for a seconds. Lexa looks out through the large windows to her right and over the city. From her apartment on the 37th floor she could see almost the entire length of the city that was now her home. But then a door slams on Lincoln’s end, breaking them out of their daze and Lincoln starts talking again.

“That’s good! I’m glad you like it. We’ve got to get you out of the house though.” He says it teasingly and she rolls her eyes.

“I don’t have to go out every day, I’m perfectly happy staying at home.”

He laughs, “I know, but I want to see you, it’s been months!”

She’s about to agree, it had been a long time, but then loudly;

 _“I have nowhere to go, Octavia!”_ The person is clearly not close to the phone but must be yelling. Lexa frowns.  
_“But we don’t have any room, Clarke!”_  
_“You mean you don’t want to stop SCREWING your...”_

“Ok Lexa, it seems we have a situation” Lincoln’s back on the line.

“What’s going on?”

“Uh, one of O’s friends got kicked out of her apartment. I’m not sure why but she came over here and O doesn’t want her to stay, y’know, our apartment’s pretty small.” He sounds embarrassed as he says it and Lexa knows from unfortunate past experiences staying with them, that what he means is that his girlfriend likes to have sex with him in more places than the bedroom. But he keeps trying to defend her decision. “Plus we only have one bathroom and between three people…” He trails off.

“She can stay with me.” It comes out of her mouth before she even thinks it. Her own eyes widen in shock.

“Woah, really? That would… solve a lot of problems”

“Y-yeah, Yeah. She can stay here. Um, what’s her name?”

“Uh Clarke. Her name’s Clarke.” He pulls the phone away from his face and yells into the room, “Clarke, phone!”

It’s quiet for a second, she can hear Lincoln quietly talking to the girl. Octavia yells in the background Yes! Do it! And then a hesitant sounding voice comes through the phone.

“Hi… Lexa?”

“Yeah, Hi. You’re Clarke right?”

“Yeah!” She sounds more confident, maybe even happy, once she’s heard Lexa’s voice.

“Did you just tell Lincoln I could live with you?”

“Yeah. For a while I mean. If you need somewhere to stay?”

“I do! I really do. Wow. So when, like, is there a good day for you or?”

“Do you have somewhere safe for tonight? I haven’t got anything organised for you yet but you could still come over if you need to?”

“No, no, I’m fine for tonight.” Octavia sighs loudly.

“Tomorrow then?”

“Tomorrow would be great.”

They both go quiet for a second, it’s awkward. She’s not sure if Clarke remembers her at all but Lexa shivers just thinking about the night they met. Then the conversation picks back up, awkwardness seemingly gone. They organise exactly when Clarke will come over and where Lexa’s apartment is. When the arrangements are made there’s nothing left for them to talk about so the phone is passed back to Lincoln. Lexa feels a little bit disoriented by it all. She quickly says her goodbyes to Lincoln and puts down the phone.

                                                                ________________________________________________________________________________________

 

_They’d ordered drinks as soon as they came into the club and while they waited for the others to arrive. Despite the lines in 20 minutes Lexa is feeling the alcohol. Enough that she’s bopping along to the music by the time the rest of their group arrives, smile playing at her lips._

_Lincoln comes in first, walking right to her and wrapping her in a hug. He’s warm and she enjoys the feeling. Over his shoulder she can see a brunette girl, Octavia, she thinks. That’s why she’s here, to meet Octavia. She’d spent hours driving down to meet Lincoln’s girlfriend. Several more bodies shuffle up behind them but Lincoln’s moving away and starts introductions before she can look at them._

_“This is Octavia!” He yells over the music, smile widening as he gestures to her and she moves closer to him and wraps an arm around his waist._

_Lexa smiles and offers and hand which Octavia takes._

_Lincoln’s talking again in a second pointing to the other members of their group. She can barely hear him although she thinks he said Jasper at some point, maybe Finn? But as her eyes travel around the group she stops listening entirely when her eyes fall on the blonde girl towards the back. She offers and small smile and immediately turns away to order herself a drink. Alright, Lexa thinks, put that one out of your head, she’s not interested._

_Instead she focuses back on Lincoln and asks if they want to dance. Octavia reacts immediately to the invitation and grabs Lincoln’s hand, pulling the hesitant man to the dance floor. Lexa laughs and walks after them, a few of the others in tow._

_Lexa has been dancing for about 10 minutes now and from her seat at the bar Clarke can see her perfectly. She wasn’t particularly happy to be dragged out tonight to meet a friend of her friend’s boyfriend. It was a bit too tenuous a link for her liking. But if she was going to be here she was going to be drunk. Hence the seat at the bar. And the 4, maybe 5 empty glasses in front of her. But she wasn’t drinking now. Now she had her eyes directed at the dancefloor. Watching Lexa’s body move with the beat, twisting and rolling her hips, spinning. She’s graceful and she smiles while she moves, eyes closed and bright red cheeks. Clarke doubts she’s ever seen anything quite so beautiful. And when Lexa dips and shimmies she thinks she might not have seen anything quite so arousing before either. The drinks are starting to swirl in her head and it’s giving her ideas. Bad ideas, certainly. But beautiful, enticing, titillating ideas that she can’t quite bring herself to ignore. When Lexa moves towards the bathrooms she gets her chance._

_Clarke jumps off the stool she’d been perched on (only swaying slightly as she stands) and walks with purpose towards the girl. She catches her in the hallway leading to the women’s bathroom and grabs her by the arm. Lexa spins around, looking alarmed but her expression moves to confused when she sees Clarke. Clarke has no time for explanations. In its place she pressed Lexa back against the wall. After allowing a second for Lexa to move away Clarke leans forward and roughly pushes her lips against Lexa’s. It’s a surprise and Lexa squeaks, making Clarke smile against her lips but as Lexa starts to kiss back her smile fades and the kiss quickly becomes heated. Lexa’s hands grab at Clarke’s hips and pull their bodies flush. Their tongues meet and Clarke’s hips buck forward, too drunk to be embarrassed, she pushes forward again with Lexa pushing back, both girls revelling in the feeling of the others body. Lexa can taste the alcohol on Clarke’s tongue, feel the way her hips move from where her fingers are gripping, white knuckled. Clarke moves her lips to Lexa’s throat and it gives Lexa enough time to realise she came this way to go to the bathroom and she still really needs to go. She groans, clearly unhappy and Clarke lifts her head to search Lexa’s eyes. Lexa leans into Clarke ear and says, between heavy breaths, “Wait”_

_Clarke steps back, dropping her eyes._

_“I gotta,” Lexa gestures to the bathroom door Clarke nods without looking up so Lexa scurries off to the toilet._

_When Lexa comes back into the main area of the club the group are all gathered on the left of the bar, Clarke among them. She walks over standing on the opposite side to Clarke. She glances over to the girl she’d just been tangled in but Clarke avoids her eyes. When Lexa looks over at her more obviously Clarke turns back to the bar._

 

                                                                 ______________________________________________________________________________________

 

She’s been waiting for hours now. The couch unfolded and made with spare sheets, two of her own pillows at the head, she doesn’t sleep on them anyway. The TV is on but she barely knows what channel it’s on. After a while she’d settled. And now, sitting in her pyjamas on the seat of the couch beside the bed, almost asleep, and now the buzzer rings.

She jumps at the noise even though she’s been waiting for it. She tells herself it’s because it’s loud and high pitched but she’s been on edge all night, clearly nervous. When she calms down and realises what it is she has to scramble to make it to the button before she misses it. Just in time she presses the button to open the lobby doors and then the one that gives her guest access to the lifts. The system doesn’t always work so she presses it a few extra times just in case.

37 floors means a long time in the lift. Lexa gets bored waiting by the door to open it but she knows that soon her guest will arrive. Instead of sitting down she dashes to the bathroom, checking her hair, her clothes. She throws on a bra under her oversized pyjama t-shirt, deciding that they weren’t well enough acquainted to go without just yet.

The knock on her door comes just as she wanders back into the living room and she goes straight to the door to open it. Taking a deep breath she puts a small smile on her face and pulls it open.

“Hi!” Clarke has a huge smile on her face. Lexa immediately steps back and beckons her to come inside. Once the door shuts behind her it’s suddenly very quiet. Lexa’s studying her and Clarke shifts, slightly uncomfortable under her gaze.

Her cheeks are a little bit red, probably from the cold outside, Lexa thinks. She has a large bag on wheels in her right hand and a brown paper bag in her left. She sees Lexa looking at it and holds it up higher.

“I brought champagne! For you!” She pushes it forwards into Lexa’s hands, finally snapping her out of her thoughts.

“Thank you,” Lexa looks slightly confused, “You didn’t have to.”

Clarke smiles, “I thought we could celebrate, I mean, I know it’s not really the same thing as moving, under the circumstances, but it’s kind of like a housewarming?” She says it like it’s a question and Lexa sees the fear in eyes. It makes her want to wrap Clarke in a blanket and hold her until she feels better. She decides to go in a different direction.

“Sure,” She gives Clarke her warmest smile and moves to the kitchen and pulls out two glasses. Wine glasses, she doesn’t have any champagne flutes, but she doubts Clarke will tease her for it like Anya would’ve.

“Would you like to do the honours?”

“No, you do it. I have a bad record of breaking things with champagne corks.” Her cheeks flush brighter red and Lexa suspects there might be a good story behind that, she mentally logs it for later.

Once the drinks are poured the two girls move to the living room and sit awkwardly, Lexa on the one seat of sofa that’s left and Clarke on her new bed. The TV is on but neither are watching it.

For the first time Lexa thinks this might have been a bad idea. In a tiny apartment like this they could never avoid one another for long and she imagines all the nights spent like this. Sitting silently, tense and uncomfortable.

“Let’s play a drinking game.” Clarke’s relaxed since Lexa last looked over at her, she’s turned to face Lexa and has her legs crossed under her. She looks excited, expectant.

“What do you have in mind?”

“I really don’t know,” She laughs, almost finished her first glass and clearly already a bit tipsy, “I just thought it would be fun.” She pauses, “and it might be a bit less awkward if we’re drunk.”

She’s not wrong, Lexa thinks. She downs the rest of her drink, turns to Clarke (whose mouth is now open in shock) and smiles before saying “We better get new drinks before we start then.”

Clarke follows suit, throwing back the rest of her drink and handing the glass to Lexa. While she’s filling the glasses in the kitchen Clarke calls out,

“Truth or dare?”

“Dare” Lexa replies as she walks back to the couch.

“I dare you to put on some music!” Clarke looks pleased with herself and Lexa smiles and shakes her head while she put on some playlist on her computer.

“Truth or dare, Clarke?”

“Truth.”

“What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve got in your bag?”

Lexa didn’t know what she was expecting but it certainly wasn’t the alarming large stuffed racoon that Clarke yanked out of her suitcase, blushing as she cuddled it close to her chest.

“This is Paul.” Clarke frowned when she saw Lexa barely holding back laughter and then stuck her tongue out. That was enough to send Lexa into fits of giggles, Clarke dropping the exaggerated pout and joining in after a second.

“Wait, wasn’t this meant to be a drinking game?” Lexa asked, realising she hadn’t touched her drink.

“Oh yeah! Let’s make up some rules! Obviously you drink if you don’t do your truth or dare.”

“Obviously.” Lexa replied sarcastically but Clarke ignored it.

“Drink when you have to stand up!”

“Then I just won’t do dares!”

“Drink when you use the word ‘the’ or smile”

“Clarke that’s going to be nearly every sentence.”

“That’s the plan.” She smirks before adding “Or we could just play and drink whenever we want to?”

So they play truth or dare for a little bit longer. Lexa confessing to have gone skinny dipping but refusing to give any details, Clarke rapping along to a song Lexa had never heard before but laughing the entire time at how into it she was, Lexa downing her entire drink in one particularly (in her opinion) stupid dare. Until they weren’t playing anymore. They were just drinking and laughing and getting to know one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at newspaperbutterflies (my clexa/fandom blog) or my main blog stephable (although I wont be talking about this on there haha). It's set in Australia (since that's where I'm from) so let me know if you don't understand something!
> 
> Let me know what you think! It's been years since I've properly written fanfiction but I'm really enjoying getting back into it and want to make it as good as possible :)


	2. Paint My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa wakes up hungover and has to deal with that and going to the gym with Raven (Queen of snark, master of teasing)
> 
> OR
> 
> “And then?”  
> “Then when I was walking to the bathroom she pushed me against a wall and we made out.”  
> “And it was good.” Raven says, reading her face and already knowing it was true.  
> “Yeah.” She breathes it more than says it and Raven starts giggling beside her, arm cycles forgotten.  
> “What?”  
> “Lexa has a crush!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments on the last chapter! I'm excited for you to read this one, you get to see a bit more of the characters and Raven's here :)
> 
> Hope you like it!

The sunlight streaming through the gaps in the blinds wakes her. The blinds had never been very good, far too many gaps for a window that faces the sunrise, but it usually didn’t bother her. Today however Lexa groaned as she woke. Her head throbbing is the first thing Lexa feels and she squeezes her eyes closed willing it to go away. The night before comes back for her slowly, in bits and pieces. Clarke coming over. Drinking with Clarke. Being drunk with Clarke.

And suddenly she’s panicking. Wondering what happened, what she’d need to apologise for. But the memories come back and she remembers slurring her goodnight and heading to her own bed. She breathes a sigh of relief. Allows herself a moment of peace and then drags her aching body out of bed. She’s had her clothes laid out since last night so she pulls them on without much thought.

Knowing it must be around 7 for the sun to be up she decides to grab a muesli bar on her way to the gym. Raven would kill her if she was late. Clarke’s still sleeping so she creeps through the open living room/kitchen so she scrawls a note explaining that she went to the gym and would be back later, leaving an apartment key for Clarke on the bench.

Although Raven was officially her friend and gym buddy she was unofficially Lexa’s trainer. The girl knew her way around a gym and pushed Lexa hard enough that she was actually starting to get defined muscles since she’d moved about a week ago. Not that Lexa was unfit before, she wasn’t. But she loved the way she could see the muscles working under her skin and how strong she looked.

Lexa slowly chewed the muesli bar as she left the lift and walked through the lobby into the cold morning air. By some miracle the gym was only across the street from where she lived and today in particular she thanked whatever God there may be for such a mercy. Her stomach was doing backflips as she climbed the few stairs to the door of the gym and saw Raven standing just inside.

“Hey there buddy!” Raven said cheerfully, always excited for a gym session especially when she got to yell at Lexa.

“Hey.” Lexa replied, it was the first time she’d spoken that day and her voice came out weak and croaky. Raven frowned and tilted her head to the side.

“You look like shit.”

“I feel like shit.”

“Well let’s head in!” Lexa groaned. She’d been hoping Raven might take mercy on her in her weakened state but the smirk growing on her face as she turned to move into the gym was far too devious. This would not be easy.

Raven practically had to drag Lexa over to the bikes. Raven hopped on an arm cycle next her. Although Raven rarely spoke about it and you wouldn’t know to look at her unless you saw her very well camouflaged brace she’d been in a car accident a couple of years ago and had permanent damage to her leg. Sometimes Lexa felt like Raven was living through her when they were at the gym and she was making Lexa do sprints and lunges she didn’t really mind.

“Ok,” Raven spoke after they set a pace, “so you’re hungover.”

“I am.” Lexa said quietly, closing her eyes and sighing loudly.

“Why? You never drink! And it’s a Tuesday!”

“I know. I just. It’s a long story.”

“Well we have…” She leaned forward to look at the timer on Lexa’s bike. “18 minutes. And if that’s not enough there’s plenty more to do.” Lexa takes a deep breath. She thinks about where she should start because she doesn’t want Raven to think she’s gone crazy but no matter which way she spins it in her head it sounds ridiculous. She lets out the breath and just starts.

“I kind of got a roommate.”

“Ok. But you live in a one bedroom.”

“She needed somewhere to stay.”

“You took in a homeless woman.”

“Sort of? She’s friends with Lincoln’s girlfriend.”

“So you know her?”

“We met before.” Lexa stares off into the distance and blushes.

“You fucked her?” Raven asks, far too loudly for both a public place and 7:30 in the morning.

“No!” Lexa yells back horrified. “I didn’t… She just… We were drunk and”

Raven cuts her off. “Last night?!”

“No, not last night.” She’s calmer now. Satisfied that Raven’s had her outburst.

“Then what? Spit it out!”

“When I met Lincoln’s girlfriend for the first time we all went out to a club and Clarke, that’s her name, was there. She didn’t seem like she wanted to know me. She didn’t even say hello, she was just drinking the whole time.” She pauses and the blush rises up on her cheeks again. She pedals harder to keep herself focused. “And then?” “Then when I was walking to the bathroom she pushed me against a wall and we made out.”

“And it was good.” Raven says, reading her face and already knowing it was true.

“Yeah.” She breathes it more than says it and Raven starts giggling beside her, arm cycles forgotten.

“What?”

“Lexa has a crush!” Lexa pedals harder again. Sighing heavily.

“She doesn’t remember me.” She says it quietly so Raven barely hears it.

“Wait, so you took this girl in who you once made out with and she has no idea you’ve ever even met?”

“Well I think she knows we were both at the club but we never really… spoke.”

“And you got drunk together last night?”

“Oh yeah. She brought champagne for me. We played a drinking game. Sort of.”

“You hate drinking games.”

“Yeah.”

“You must really like this girl.”

“I barely know her.” The blush creeps onto Lexa’s neck and cheeks for the third time, she hopes by now she can pass it off as being flushed from the exercise. “She’s really beautiful, though. And a fantastic kisser.”

“Well at least you know she’s not straight!”

“She was drunk Raven. You know that kiss doesn’t mean she’s not straight. You know better than anyone.”

Raven’s face falls and it’s her turn to blush now. That had been how they met. Some Uni party, she’s not sure which, she went to so many. But being drunk and happy and surrounded by people she’d just felt like getting close to someone and that someone happened to be Lexa. Running into each other awkwardly in the gym the next day was less than ideal but it led to the friendship they were building now.

“Sorry.” Raven’s looking at the ground when she says it.

“Hey, Raven, it’s ok. It happens sometimes” They go quiet for a minutes and then Lexa’s bike beeps to tell them time’s up. Raven stands first and puts her hand out for Lexa. When Lexa takes it and pulls herself off the bike the smile is back on Raven’s face.

“Ok, time for some weights!”

 

* * *

 

 

“I think you should kiss her.” Raven says, completely out of the blue as the stretch at the end of their workout.

“What?”

“Just kiss her and see what she does!”

“That’s how you would solve the problem. I’m not really in the mood for rejection and disgust.”

“She wouldn’t be disgusted! She started it last time.”

“She might be. Sometimes people feel very differently when they’re drunk than when they’re sober.”

“Well then you’re fucked. And not in the good way.” Lexa sighs. She already knows she’s fucked. She knew it as soon as she saw Clarke looking bored at the club and she definitely knew it when then kissed.

“For now she needs a place to stay. That’s all.” Lexa says, effectively ending the conversation although she can hear when Raven mumbles _that’s all my ass_ under her breath. She ignores it.

 

                                                         

* * *

 

 

Lexa’s body aches and her stomach feels empty and awful but she’s glad to be getting into the warm water of the gym shower. Raven had let her off pretty easy today and she’s thankful but she can still feel the familiar ache in her muscles. It’s comforting. A familiar ache mixed in with the new and uncomfortable ones. It’s about 8:30 now and as Lexa pulls out the pony tail and lets the water wet her hair and face she thinks Clarke must be up by now. Wandering around her apartment getting ready for whatever plans she has today. Probably having a shower too.

Lexa froze. That was an accident. She didn’t mean to imagine Clarke naked with water streaming down her body. But now it’s too late. It’s in her brain and she can’t get it out. Later she’d blame it on her weakened state caused by the hangover. She’d blame it on exhaustion and stress. But as she imagined Clarke’s soft curves she let her hand slide down her stomach and across her hips and finally into her soft folds. She closed her eyes and let the images are Clarke come to the surface, circling her clit while she thought of how the blonde girl once pushed her against a wall. Her head falls back against the wall behind her as the pleasure rolls through her body in waves. Her hips buck into her hand involuntarily as she thinks of what it would be like to touch Clarke’s breasts, suck on her nipples. Her lips part and an soft sigh escapes them as she pushes her fingers inside herself, imagining it was Clarke’s warm hand moving inside her and –

“Hey Lex!” She yelps loudly and pulls her hand away at lightning speed, standing with them up in the air like someone has a gun pointed at her. After a second she realises she’s alone in a shower stall.

Raven’s giggling in the changing area across from the showers.

“Uh huh, that’s what I thought.” She yells out to Lexa, mid-laugh.

“What?”

“I’d know that sounds anywhere,” she says sounding very smug, “you were just-”

“RAVEN” Raven is in fits of giggles again but thankfully abandoned that sentence. Lexa doesn’t know if there’s anyone else in the change rooms but she didn’t want to hear Raven say it regardless. The embarrassment hits her with its full force and she turns off the shower and wraps herself in her towel. How could she look at Clarke in the eyes every again. Her stomach groaned unpleasantly and she wasn’t sure if it was the hangover or something new.

She dropped her head and walked out of the shower to get changed. Raven was giggling when she came out but stopped when she saw Lexa’s slumped posture and the bright red blush on her cheeks. Raven was almost fully dressed now and had to sit the get her pants on the rest of the way so she sat next to Lexa.

“Don’t sulk just because you got caught!”

“I’m not sulking.” She was pouting even as she said it.

“Yeah, you are. I’ve been caught in worse positions and haven’t sulked this much. You just have to own it.”

“I shouldn’t have done it.”

“Yeah you should. You should do it more. You’re so uptight, babe.” Raven gets up, fully dressed now and goes to walk away before looking back mischievously and slapping Lexa’s bare ass.

“You’ve got a great ass. She’ll never be able to resist.”

 

* * *

 

Lexa decides to go straight from the gym to class today. Although her books are still on her desk at home she thinks it’s probably a bit early to be facing Clarke again just yet. She walks the short distance from the gym to her University and falls in with the sea of students moving between classes. She feel comfortable in the crowd. Moving together but all separate from one another, she’s anonymous amongst them. She slips into the back of her first class and loses herself in the lecture.

Several hours of lectures later Lexa picks up her bag and heads to the exit. She walks home in the early afternoon sun. Scheduling all of her classes back to back meant she only had to be at Uni for a half the day but she comes out at the end exhausted. And hungry, she thinks as her stomach grumbles. The sick feeling from her hangover had faded throughout the morning and now that she no longer felt nauseous she was starving.

She walked into her apartment, dropping her bag just inside the door and kicking off her shoes. Her eyelids felt heavy. She considered the idea of a nap and, after convincing herself that she’d still have time to study once she woke up, she grabbed some food from the fridge and put it into microwave to eat before she slept.

As she absentmindedly watched her food heat up movement in the living room caught her eye. She panicked for a second before remembering Clarke. Clarke lived here now. So much had happened since the morning that she’d almost completely forgotten about the events at the gym. She blushed at the thought.

“Hi.” Clarke’s soft voice came from the living room.

“Hi.” Lexa replied but she couldn’t meet Clarke’s eyes. Clarke didn’t seem bothered and continued to move around the room. Lexa pretended not to be looking but she watched out of the corner of her eye as Clarke filled a backpack with books and pencils and paper. Lastly, she put in what looked like card games. Lexa frowned, trying to figure out where on earth the girl could be going. The microwave beeped, pulling her out of her thoughts. Her curiosity got the better so her so she grabbed the food and a fork, trying to act casual, and she turned to Clarke.

“Where are you heading?”

“Work. I start at 4 so I have to head off soon!” Clarke said, zipping up her bag, her back to Lexa.

“Oh I didn’t know you had a job. What do you do?”

“I’m kind of a tutor. I help kids with their homework after school.” She turns to look at Lexa, now holding the full bag. Her eyes shine as she says it.

“Sounds cool.” Lexa smiles genuinely, the thought of Clarke spending her afternoons teaching kids makes her chest feel warm. Clarke looks so excited at the thought.

“It is! There’s this one kid who just loves maths and so we do sums together and I swear he’s better at it than I am and he’s only 8! Anyway…I could go on forever about them.” She blushes. “I don’t want to bore you.”

Lexa’s surprised to realise she wants Clarke to go on. The enthusiasm and passion in Clarke’s voice are infectious and she wants more. Wants to know about what makes Clarke happy.

“I have to go anyway.” Clarke says after the moment of silence. She swings the bag onto her back and waves awkwardly to Lexa as she walks past the kitchen and slips out the door.

Lexa shovels the rest of her lunch into her mouth thinking about Clarke the whole time and then shuffles off to bed. She’s tired. Exhausted, really, but her body is completely awake. Seeing Clarke just reminded her that she’d been interrupted that morning. She’d forgotten while she was in class but the feeling came flooding back and after hours of ignoring it she could feel herself soaking through her underwear.

She lies down on her bed and lets her legs fall open. Her body feels warm as she strokes her fingers down her inner thighs towards her centre. She thinks of Clarke’s body, her lips, her fingers. As Lexa slips one of her fingers under her waistband she lets her eyes flicker closed and gives in to her feelings for the blonde girl. Raven was right, she’s fucked, she likes Clarke far more than she wanted to admit but there’s no choice but to admit it now. Her breathing speeds up as her fingers slide inside, hips arching off the bed to meet them. When she comes she whimpers _‘Clarke’_. Finally sated, she rolls over and dreams that Clarke were touching her like she wanted her to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning to get this posted sooner but I've been ridiculously busy with work! Hopefully the next one will be up in about a week :)
> 
> Let me know what you think! Do you love Raven as much as I do? (it's a lot :P)
> 
> Also the titles are all song titles or inspired by songs so if you're interested ask me about them :) They're cool!
> 
> Any questions send me a message! My tumblr is newspaperbutterflies, I sometimes post previews when I write a scene I really like :P or my main is stephable (although I wont talk about the fic there)


	3. A Place Near The City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s beautiful.” She’s tired and it’s really all she can think about.
> 
> “Oh, yeah. The view is mostly why I chose this apartment.” Lexa stands up and moves over beside where Clarke is now leaning on the window’s edge and a cold breeze brushes over her face. She wraps one arm around herself to keep warm but the other she points out the window to the left...

Clarke walks into the room after the long train trip and immediately has dozens of kids gathered around her excitedly hugging her and telling her about their day. She leans down and picks up a girl, no more than 5 years old and shorter than the rest, called Charlotte.

It was always hard for Clarke to explain her job. Maybe she could give Lexa a better description when she got home because yes, she does tutor kids and help with their homework but she doesn’t work for a tutoring company. All the kids here were from underprivileged backgrounds. She didn’t know what every kid had been through or lived with but every kid had to deal with something. The after school program she worked in was a highlight for many of them. She tried not to ramble when she told people about her job but she was so proud of these kids, so excited to see them, that it was sometimes hard not to.

“Hey guys!” She puts out her hand to high five the group of children and they all excitedly reach for her hand as she moves it around making them miss 2 or 3 times before letting them get it.

“Let’s go sit down at a table so we can get caught up and then get started on our work!” The kids scatter to find seats and pull out their books. The little girl she’s still holding rests her head down on Clarke’s shoulder.

There’s probably 40 kids in the room tonight, Clarke takes in. It’s a large room filled with tables and chairs for the kids to work at, all a little too small for Clarke to sit comfortably. At the back of the room a modest bookcase holds hundreds of well-loved books, colour coded for reading level. A few beanbags sit nearby as a sort of reading corner. At the very top of the bookshelf are a few older looking board games and toys. The energy in the room is quiet excitement, kids fidgeting and playing while they try to focus on their work. A couple of other staff members talking quietly to children about their school work. She was slightly late, as usual, but she always stayed later than she was rostered for so she didn’t feel too bad.

She settles in next to a little boy who has his English books out on the table.

“What’s on the schedule for today, Bailey?”

“I have to do my reading book and write about what the story was.”

“Do you need some help?”

“I’m not very good at my reading.” He looks to the ground when he says it.

“Let’s read it together then!” She says it enthusiastically and he perks up and grabs the book out of his school bag and begins to read with Clarke softly correcting and encouraging him.

He’s on the last page when an argument starts behind them. Clarke spins around and goes to stand but with Charlotte still wrapped around her she moves too slowly. There’s a thud as one boy pushes another to the ground.

“Hey boys, what’s going on here?” It’s Finn’s voice and Clarke breathes a sigh of relief. Finn had been working here with her for a few months now and he always handled fights better than anyone else. There was something calming about his presence that the kids responded to.

Her attention was back on Bailey’s reading but she heard the boys apologising to each other behind her and smiled. Finn working his magic.

Once Bailey finished reading and Clarke talked to him about what he was going to write she leaves him to get started and wanders over to talk to Finn.

“Hey Finn.” He turns from where he was drawing with a few kids and smiles up at her.

“Hey Clarke, good to see you made it!”

Clarke rolls her eyes, she’s always late and he always teases. “How’s the art project coming?”

“I think these guys are going to get way better grades than I am.” He says and several of the kids snicker. He gets up, tells the kids to keep up the good work and walks to the middle of the room with Clarke where they can keep an eye on everyone while they talk.

“You look great today.” Finn smiles and it almost doesn’t feel awkward because of how genuine his smile is.

“Thanks, I’m staying with someone new and she has a really great shower.”

“Oh so you found a place?” He reaches out to touch her arm as he says it and she resists the urge to pull away.

“No, not really. She’s a friend of a friend and I’m just staying with her until I can find a permanent place.” She feels kind of uncomfortable talking about the whole situation so she changes the topic. “What was going on between those boys earlier?”

“One kid making fun of another for not having a fancy new backpack” Finn frowns.

“Ah, of course.” She raises an eyebrow sensing he had more to say.

“You think these kids might have some more compassion for each other.”

“These kids might not have ever been shown compassion.” Clarke looks at the girl in her arms as she says it and pulls her a little closer.

Finn looks at her and his expression softens. He opens and closes his mouth a few times before looking away and then looking back with determination in his eyes.

“Do you want to go out some time?” It takes her by surprise. She’s single, he’s cute and good with kids but she’s not sure she wants to go out with him.

“I don’t think I’ll be doing much of anything for a while, I still haven’t found a new place and I don’t have a lot of time or money to spare.” She forces a laugh, awkwardly brushing off his request.

“Oh, ok. Well you have my number if you change your mind.” He looks deflated and she feels a little bad.

“Sure.”

The evening passes smoothly with no more fights and plenty of homework getting done. Clarke gets called in as an expert to help with the group doing art projects and after a minor glitter catastrophe all of the kids are finished and proud of their work. Bailey’s report gets finished and Clarke helps fix a few mistakes and Tris gets all of her spelling words right three times in a row.

Clarke’s on home duty tonight so she stands out the front of the large building and makes sure the kids get back to their families, hugging them goodbye. A few of the kids don’t have lifts home and get dropped back to their houses so when the last of the pickups are sorted she herds the remaining kids into the work car.

It’s really more of a mini bus than a car and 8 kids hop in with her tonight. She puts the now sleeping Charlotte in the front seat and does up her seatbelt before checking all the rest. They put on the radio and sing along together as she drives around the suburbs and takes the kids home. Charlotte is last. She wakes up as Clarke carries her to the door of her foster home. She cries into Clarke’s shirt as she says goodbye.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s about 10 by the time Clarke finds a park for the work bus and gets herself up to the apartment. Leaving Charlotte had been particularly hard tonight and Clarke can feel the stress of it in her neck as she shuffles in the door.

The apartment is dark and for a second she thinks Lexa might have gone to bed already but then she sees her, not inside but on the balcony. She’s sitting on what must be a very uncomfortable metal chair, books piled on the table around her laptop. Her back is to Clarke and in front of both girls is the most beautiful view Clarke has ever seen.

She’d known, of course, that Lexa’s apartment being on the 37th floor would likely give her a great view but the city scape below and the stars above took her breath away. Her legs moved her towards the balcony as if she was being pulled by a magnet. Compelled to look closer, longer.

Her foot catching on the step between the living room and balcony is what catches Lexa’s attention and in the momentary distraction from the view she remembers that she should probably acknowledge the other girl at least so she moves her eyes to Lexa’s, illuminated by the screen of her laptop.

“It’s beautiful.” She’s tired and it’s really all she can think about.

“Oh, yeah. The view is mostly why I chose this apartment.” Lexa stands up and moves over beside where Clarke is now leaning on the window’s edge and a cold breeze brushes over her face. She wraps one arm around herself to keep warm but the other she points out the window to the left.

“That’s north, you can see the lights of the main road leading right down there.” And she’s right, Clarke can see where the bright street lights create a sort of glowing path that twinkles with each moving car.

“Over here,” she continues, almost whispering, “is the park, it’s pretty dark at night but when there’s a graduation or a wedding or something in the building in the centre,” she points to the building, barely lit tonight, “they put up lights, fairy lights, and it lights up the trees and ponds around it.”

“And this way is into the city,” she’s pointing to the right now and Clarke stands up on her tip toes and leans around to see what she’s talking about. It’s far brighter over this way with taller buildings and much more activity.

“You can see all the way down to the churches and train stations on the other side. When there’s fireworks down there you can hear them from here but you can also see them.” They’re close now, both leaning out the one small window. Clarke feels her hip bump Lexa’s as she twists to look closer. She feels safe, comfortable and even happy like this. It had been a long time since she’d felt so at peace, and here Lexa was, offering it to her and asking nothing in return. She felt a warm grateful affection wash through her and couldn’t stop herself from sharing something back.

“There’s a girl,” She starts, quietly, leaning back inside the window and gazing up at the stars, “Her name’s Charlotte, I work with her.”

“Your tutoring job, yeah?”

“Sort of. It’s not really…” She pauses and tries to decide how best to explain, “I work for a charity organisation, they provide before and after school care, tutoring, games nights and camps to underprivileged kids. Single parent families, underage parents, kids from poor families. A lot of the kids there are in foster care. Charlotte’s in foster care.” Lexa nods along, eyes on Clarke are she stares up at the sky.

“She’s 5, just, she had a birthday 2 weeks ago. Her parents were both killed. I don’t know exactly what happened, just that they’re gone. She came before then, she was young but we don’t turn anyone away and she’s not the only little one we’ve got. But she’s had it rough since she lost her parents. I was there before. As far as I know there’s no one else around her who she’s known since before. When I take her home now she cries, clings to me, and I have to put her into the hands of a foster family who are strangers to me. It took 20 minutes tonight.” A tear rolls down Clarke’s cheek, illuminated by the moon and Lexa moves to hold her hand, squeezing it gently. They stand together in a comfortable silence for a minute, Clarke leaning further into Lexa and Lexa drawn into Clarke by her warmth, before Clarke blinks a few times and comes back to Earth.

“Do you know much about the stars, Lexa?”

“I know they’re beautiful.” She’s still looking at Clarke.

Clarke suddenly feels how close they are, how warm and soft Lexa is beside her. It’s nice. Far too nice, really, she can’t be doing this. She takes a step to the side away from Lexa and realises they’re still holding hands. It’s then that Lexa notices too and lets go, quickly pulling her hand up to her chest. She can’t have feelings for Lexa. Gratitude and friendship, yes, but _feelings_ , no. Her situation was fragile without the complication of feelings and her relationships always seemed to make things worse.

Clarke can feel the tension in the air and coughs uncomfortably. Lexa’s barely meeting her eyes and shifts from foot to foot on the tile floor.

“I should, y’know, leave you to your work.” Clarke cringes as she says it, the comfort and safety of their previous moment together completely replaced by an awkward discomfort. She turns to walk back inside but stops right before stepping through the door and turns. “Thanks for showing me the view.”

“No problem.” Lexa mumbles, back turned to Clarke. She pretends to be sorting her books but her heart is thumping in her chest and her mind races.

 

* * *

 

 

So Clarke’s straight. That’s what she’d learned tonight. It wasn’t altogether unexpected but she’d been holding on to more hope than she’d like to admit. They were standing so close and holding hands and Lexa let herself imagine. But it was stupid. She shouldn’t have let herself think like that. Clarke is a straight girl who got blackout drunk and kissed her at a club. Nothing more.

She’s shaking from the cold now and maybe something else. There’s only one person she knows who can always talk sense into her. She needs to move her mind away from Clarke. Lexa picks up her phone and calls Anya.

“Hey Lex, what’s up?” Her friend answers, clearly tired but happy to hear from Lexa.

“Can we see each other soon?”

“Of course. What for?”

“I need to get out of the house. I kind of have a new housemate…” She lets Anya soak in the new information before adding “She’s amazing… and she’s straight.”

“Ah, right. Well I like to think I’m somewhat of an expert at getting these straight girls out of your brain by now. Come over on Friday? You can stay the night.”

“Sounds great. Thanks, Anya.”

“No problem, It’ll be good to catch up anyway.”

“Goodnight.”

“Night.”

She quickly sends a text to Clarke’s phone

 

 **Lexa:** I’ll be out Friday night, won’t be back until Saturday.

 

Lexa’s tired and the night has left her with all sorts of emotions swirling through her head. She leaves the books on the table where they are and carries her laptop into her room. She plugs it in and then falls into bed. Her dreams betray her and soothe her. Images of stars and city lights and the sparkle of Clarke’s blue eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Any questions or love you want to send me head over to newspaperbutterflies.tumblr.com! That's also where I post sneak peeks and extra info that probably wont come up in the story :)
> 
> In case anyone is confused the apartment I'm basing this on had an enclosed balcony because super high up apartments don't have normal ones for safety reasons. It's basically like a big glass box with windows. I'll post some pictures on my tumblr if you wanna see what it looks like :)
> 
> Also if anyone would like to talk to me about/throw ideas around/proof read for me that'd be really cool :) You should hmu on tumblr or something.


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